The Impact of Closet Prayers

For most of us, there is one moment- at minimum- that you regret more than any other moment. The reasons for the regret can be multiple, but the key is, it can’t be changed, or deleted. The moment happened. I have that moment stored, and I hold it close, because to expose that moment would break me, and everyone around me. I have allowed that moment to hold me captive for years. I look at it and remember it all the time. I will expose some of that moment now, so that it can’t haunt me any longer, and I will give God glory- because He is faithful and He is light in the darkness.

As I have shared before, I lost my step father in July of 2008 while I was separated from my husband, Tim. It was a difficult time and a horrendous loss of life. Even knowing he is with God, I am unable to find total peace. I desire too, but there is a weight upon me. I heard of Chris’ injury and went to see him, and while I was there I was making plans for my night. I left that day and went to watch my brother play softball, and when I left there I went somewhere else. The problem here is that normally, I am the one who goes to the hospital and stays until someone forces me to leave, unfortunately, my heart was so mixed up I selfishly left Chris and my mom to deal with it. While I was out in places I shouldn’t have been, my step father who I so desperately love, was slipping away and I wasn’t there to catch him. Even after he caught me so many times, and balanced me back out.

The last few weeks have been stressful and what happens to me, may happen to you, I get overwhelmed and I go to a place of darkness and I sit there and think of all of my mistakes, my errors- much like King David. Not that I am a Queen or Royalty, but I can read my own thoughts in the Psalms. Last night I had some worship music on and I felt like I needed to go to my closet to pray. Yes, my closet- I even cleaned it so I would have room on the floor to get on my face before the Lord. I opened my Bible and turned straight to Psalms 51, and I wept; because-there are not coincidences in His word, and the moment that you read it. He has a direct goal to bring you into His presence, to speak to you.

Psalms 51 is David crying out for God’s forgiveness after his sin with Bathsheba. He is asking God to restore his joy, to reunite his spirit with the heart of God. As I read this, I could relate on such a level that I almost felt like I was in the Kings palace, knowing I have everything, but not allowing that to satisfy me, and then carrying the weight of my sin along with all of my armor. The load is heavy, but He- Oh the Lord is faithful. As I was weeping I heard the closet door open, and felt a little body slip in. I didn’t look up, just continued to cry and pray to the Lord, and I heard a sweet voice calling out for God to come- to be with us in mommy’s closet. I looked up and my son-7 has his face on the carpet crying out to the Lord, and I broke.

That is our God. That is His presence and His love. He calls us to a place of brokenness and then He showers us with blessings and favor far beyond what we deserve. My sin deserved death. My God exchanged my sentence and instead gave me life. My heart exalts the Lord, exhorts His Name. He is a faithful, and just God. He is a loving father, and a joyful friend. He is one who mourns with you, and calls you back to joy.

I cannot take back my errors or my decisions, and despite how highly I thought of myself, I could not save my dear step father- I am not God. He allowed the loss, and while I may carry the pain and guilt of that for years to come, I know that I am forgiven and I am loved- beyond measure, against all odds, He calls to me, and says, “My Beloved, come.”

He says that to you today as well, “My Beloved, come.” He wants you to bring Him nothing but yourself, broken, used, devastated, heart broken, hurting, lonely, empty. He wants to take us from paupers, commoners and promote us to Royalty. He says- “For you and You alone, I would send my son to die, a sinner’s death- your death- on a cross- because I so desperately love you, that I had to tear the veil to give you access to my Holy Places.”

Go to Him today- and lay yourself before the Lord- and let your children see a contrite heart before the Lord. Show them the access that Jesus paid for- teach them to pave a way into His presence.



A Crown of Prayer

“Know the state of your flocks,

and put your heart into caring for your herds,

for riches don’t last forever,

and the crown might not be passed to the next generation.”

Proverbs 27: 23-24

I have never seen or read this with impact until today. Before I became a mother, I would read right past things like this, not with intent, but simply because I didn’t get it. I did this morning and it wounded my heart a little. I realize now that it has everything to do with my family- my children, my grandchildren and great- grandchildren. If I am now covering them in prayer- even now before they are conceived, if I am not laying my hands on their precious heads every night or filling them with the gospel of our salvation, I am laying waste to all the prayer I and those who have gone before me have worked to accomplish. How utterly terrifying.

When I read about the Crown it says many things to me,

  • A place of Honor in the Family line
  • A status symbol that we are wealthy- financially secure
  • A gift bestowed upon us by someone of authority
  • Influence- to move others- encourage others and guide others
  • Faith- the very essence of things not seen- but hoped for- the ability to stand until it is seen
  • A position of great courage and Bravery

I am sure you can think of more, probably even better symbolic references to your families crown. This is all I could come up with this morning! :)

I am part of a strong and influential family- we don’t have the ability to whisper guidance, to our Governmental leaders, we can’t create mandates and dictates of what should and shouldn’t be done, but we are large- and we are able to stand for something, or die on the sword fighting for it. I had praying Great Grandma’s, and a praying Nannie who today will offer prayers on my behalf- and they work. I don’t know if any of my Grandfather’s prayed, I mean them no disrespect, but I am unsure if they even prayed over something as simple as a meal, much less laid their hands upon their little ones sick bodies and believed for healing. I am grateful that while Tim and I struggle in a great many things, we do not struggle to believe for healing, or to show by example that the power of two gathered in the name of Jesus, can do anything.

When I complain about a headache, or not feeling well, 4 little hands come to my body and they pray- and they believe something will happen- because they prayed. When I say they pray- I mean they don’t care what it sounds like to me, or to anyone else, they have no need to gain praise for their words issued as a plea to Heaven. They don’t close their eyes, and squeeze them shut so they can’t see- they stand open hearted and they pray. Recently a friend received news that she may miscarry, I happened to be at home at the time, and I said- kids- we have an opportunity to ask God to save a little baby still in his mama’s tummy- will you pray with me?

I pray that I can hear my children pray over me for the rest of my life. Their beautiful hearts called out to God on that little ones behalf and a few days later I was able to go home and tell them- God heard our prayers and that little baby is ok! They looked at me and said, “well- we prayed”…. open looks of “duh”. It pleased my heart and more importantly- they touched God’s heart.

We have a choice to leave a legacy of children with a heart after God, or the world. Believe it or not- it is our choice. Will they have a decision to make one day? Yep. Could they turn away- yes. Is there a promise that He complete’s every good work He begins- Yes. So, if I cover them in prayer- truly take time out of my day and cover them and their decisions, aren’t their chances of staying with Him, or drawing back to Him more likely. I have to believe the chances are far greater with a consistent praying momma, than without!

Lift your Little, and Big ones up today- they are desperate for your prayers- as are the generations that follow you.



Projects and Journeys

What an adventure life is. Such an eventful journey. I have had to learn to trust God in new ways over the last year, and it hasn’t been easy. I have not lived an easy life, but I have lived a blessed life. I have endured tragedy, heartbreak, insecurity, desperation, and fear. I have also experienced breakthroughs that would blow your mind. I have had moments of such serenity that it was almost a glimpse to a life of perfect peace when we join our Father, Creator, Maker- in Heaven.

I have met people along this journey that have marked me forever. I have expressed thanks to many of them throughout my time writing.  I have learned things by those who mark me, some because they push me to attempt more, to apply myself more, to grow more. One of those people has recently become a part of my life. Isn’t it amazing how many people share a piece of your life? A moment, a day, a week, a month- years? While my Step Mother in Law battled for her life we had some nurses who became her literally angels. They cared for her beyond the requirements, and they cared for us by extension the same way. In abundance, overwhelmingly loving, kind, and generous, with time, energy, comfort and even food. The took their commitment to their occupation to a new level.

I recently met someone who is much like those nurses who cared for Sheryl. She is driven. She is brave. She is a force to be reckoned with, and she is kind. There are few like her. She works unto the Lord, with an incredible work ethic, and a desire to excel- which she clearly does.

Recently I found out that she has gone into remission for a cancer I didn’t know she had. She is back in school- because she wants more than a Master’s, and is the lead on a huge project that will begin her Company’s use of a new Electronic Medical Record System. She has insight that surprises me, and while I would like to deny it, I may have a case of hero worship going on. The information she holds in her mind for 20 minutes would exhaust me and yet it seems to be effortless. She pushes me though she doesn’t know it. She encourages me to keep working to be better. To never settle for less than I can do with the strength of the Lord.

There is more I can say- but mostly- I wanted you to know that with the Lord, all things are possible. Nothing can stop you from accomplishing what you and the Lord agree to do. Not Cancer, not Heart Disease, not people disappointing you, or people telling you that you can’t do it. Nothing can hold the Lord back from His promise- but you.

If there is something you have been waiting on doing, because you aren’t sufficient to complete the task, or you doubt your ability- trust His ability. He is sufficient in all things. He will complete what He begins. Trust Him to complete what He has given you to do.



The Grace of God

jan 18 15 acts 20 24

I have always loved the Jeremiah 29:11 verse, but over the last few months I have adopted a new verse, Acts 20:24.

I am not good at telling the unsaved about Christ. It is my greatest weakness. What I am good at is interjecting into converations who God is , and what He is able to do.

At the end of everyday I can lay my head on my pillow with confidence that He is able and willing to do all things on my behalf, and most importantly, that I am never alone.